My political beliefs are the polar opposite of my dad's, which is a little troublesome because we are both active and passionate in expressing our beliefs. I love my dad a lot, and I really admire his sincerity and selflessness, but some of the things he says are just so radical that it seriously terrifies me. I feel guilty as well, because I know that I used to believe- with the same intensity- exactly what he does.

He thinks that healthcare is part of the "liberal agenda" designed to make people dependent on Big Brother (the government) to take care of their life (not, say, to provide preventative care to the poor and uninsured who end up in our hospitals or to reform a lucrative industry). The fact that he repeatedly uses the phrase "liberal agenda" only goes to exemplify how much he's been listening to/ trusting/ brainwashed by Rush Limbaugh. When I was explaining the benefits of Obama's heathcare plan he said something along the lines of "the kool-aid you've been drinking must be really good." Seriously? He later apologized, but I was extremely insulted.

What bothers me most is that he constructs all of his beliefs on this extremely conservative Christian framework. The politicalization of religion really irks me because it encourages people to advocate things for no other reason than that their god told them to. Why is homosexuality wrong? Because the Bible says so. Why can't women be preachers? Because the Bible says so. He says that every part of the Bible needs to be taken literally, or else Jesus didn't "literally" die on the cross. Yet the Bible also forbids Christians from eating shellfish and requires women to be silent and cover the heads in church (this is New Testament, btw). At one point the Bible was used to justify racism. Yet today though those parts aren't taken literally. Furthermore, I don't understand how people can accept a self-validating book as an authority. Sure, there are some wonderful values and morals in the Bible, but that doesn't mean that it's truth. I learned a lot of things from Orwell's Animal Farm, but that doesn't mean that I believe that animals can talk.

Everyday the selfishness of humanity (and, consequentially, of myself) becomes more apparent to me.

In class I keep hearing people ask questions- not because they want to hear an honest answer- but to make themselves sound intelligent/ informed. Or they'll ask a question about someone's opinion, but word it in a way that makes their own (superior) opinion clear. They don't care about the other person's opinion; they just want to pronounce their opinion. Similar situation: Conor Oberst of Bright Eyes was once asked what he thought of the positive reviews of his newest album. He said that the reviewers weren't trying to evaluate his album in the reviews; they were trying to write a review that made them sound literary and intelligent. So in reality the reviewers weren't praising the album- they were praising themselves.

On Facebook, one of my friends will post a status along the lines of "xxx is feeling really sick" or "xxx had the worst day ever." And most of the responses will be- without exaggeration- "Omg, I had a terrible cold all last week!" or "Today was rough for me too" or "At least you didn't have to walk a half of mile home in the rain!!" Perhaps these comments are meant to let the poster know that they're not alone, but it appears to be selfishness to me. How about saying something compassionate like: "That's terrible! I hope you're feeling better." or "I know times are rough, but don't forget that you are loved." These are all lame examples, but I hope you understand and can tell the difference between the two.

I guess it makes me selfish to say this, but I'm also beginning to notice that some people only talk to me when they need me (It's not anyone that is reading this. You all are amazing and I would gladly do anything for you). One is a good friend of mine whom I sincerely care about. Last week she asked to borrow my economics notebook (including my reading notes and discussion notes) because she didn't feel like going to class for two weeks and needed to study for the test. She gave me the notebook back a day later than I had asked (I needed it back to start studying). A few days ago she came to my dorm to work on a speech she was writing so I could give her feedback. She calls me at all hours of the night to talk about her personal drama, which I feel helpless talking about because there's nothing I can do, and she refuses to directly address it. I'm glad to help and glad to listen, but it's almost like she doesn't want to talk to me unless it directly benefits her. She ignores most of my text messages whenever I ask her a question about something- even if it's as simple as asking how her day was or if she wants to go to dinner. She never follows through with things she says she's going to do- she's promised to burn so many cds to me and forward x article to me (never per my request) but doesn't. I just feel used.

Damn, I feel like I'm getting more cynical every day.
There are so many things I need to write about. Word-vomit helps to purge negative thoughts.

I would love to have the life of a musician, but it seems like only the lucky few are able to live sustainable and practical lives as musicians. In fact, I don't know how I could even go about living as a Musician with a capital m. Being a musician is a very self-driven occupation, and I'm intimidated by all of the self-promotion and self-centeredness involved. Luck probably plays an even bigger role in succeeding/ surviving as a Musician. Not only that, but sometimes music seems so trivial compared to the problems of disaster and famine that the world is facing.

Nevertheless, it would be so incredible to be able to travel and tour around the country (and maybe even the world) and play music for people that actually want to hear it. I am so in love with singing and playing the guitar that it's something that I could never forsake, although I only imagine being a Musician in my wildest, deepest dreams. How I value being able to match melody and harmony with my hands and my voice, and the tranquility of being able to focus all of my energy into something beautiful. Music is the heartbeat of the universal soul, and I admire how music is able to connect to people of all backgrounds. It never lets me down, and although music has the power to convey misery and misfortune, it's primary role is to comfort. I had the honor of going to two (polar opposite) concerts last week, and I wish I could sustain the concert high, the feeling that my soul is overflowing with peace and joy.

This sounds so cheesy. But I'm serious!